Peer Review 2: Jaimie Bonsall

This is a peer review of  Jaimie Bonsall’s first blog:

This is a fabulous entry Jaimie! Well done. You capture well that feeling of loss for the innocent joy of childhood that we all feel. You write beautifully with a good sense of how to bring your descriptions to life. The editing that I have mentioned below might seem “over -the -top”, but there are some simple rules that you need to know about. When and why to use a ; instead of , or a : Also, when to use an ‘s or s’. Also when to add something to a sentence to make it a self-standing complete unit of meaning. So I have given you some links below to follow these things up.
Also a visual image (one of your own photos would be best) could give your text a real LIFT. Also the font colour you have chosen against a grey background is not the easiest to read. But you are onto a winner here. I am looking forward to your next blog.
Good work.
Editing Needed (and some workshop follow-ups- see Purdue Owl for help:
* A home away from home filled with endless childhood memories…. = The Cumberland State Forest is a home away from home filled with endless childhood memories [ Your opening sentence needs a subject. What you have written is a sentence fragment. ]
*The soundscape of nature; the ring of whip-tails, the soothing hum of the breeze rustling through the leaves, fills my ears … [Punctuation ; is not appropriate here- it is usually a replacement for a full-stop when two sentences are closely linked in meaning. So it is a bit like putting a brick in the middle of a sentence and shouldn’t replace the more mild comma! for further details on Semi-colons see
*nooks and cranny’s all perfect = don’t use ‘s for simple plurals. Reserve this for ownership (eg the cranny’s mossy covering). See ‘s or s’ – Apostrophe- if there is a meaning of ownership ( the boy’s apple/ the boys’ apples) then you need an apostrophe. See But don’t use apostrophe s for normal plurals!!!
*The sky becoming a palette …= The sky was becoming a palette

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