Peer Review No 1

Alexandra’s Blog is at

You have set this up very well Alexandra. The blog looks good and is correctly categorised as Australian Literature. The writing is also imaginative and draws the reader into the experience. However you could simplify your language and speak more directly from experience. At times you seem to be pushing for dramatic effect “the eternal rug of dunes… the eternal ocean mass”. Not wrong, but you could try for something simpler, after all you end with “this very tranquillity…calmness” and your writing is not always in harmony with this idea.
Editing Needed (and some workshop follow-ups- see Purdue Owl for help:
* When, in the chaos of my urban jungle, I can escape for a moment and just be present. = This is when in the chaos of my urban jungle, I can escape for a moment and just be present. [ Can you see that your sentence was grammatically incomplete? ] Your next few sentences also need “This is” at the start to make them grammatically complete
*The waves unwind my the stress in my limbs= something missing in this sentence.
*It is this very tranquillity. This very calmness and moment…= you have split this sentence with a full stop in the middle.
*sooths= soothes [spell check]
*To be indulged on each indistinguishable momentum of the waves.= not a sentence… and nor is the next one..

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